859 ㅡ As I got older, I don't really panic anymore.

As I got older, I realize I don't really panic anymore.

I don't know if it's growth or just the increasing harshness of life I've had to deal with; and after awhile it kinda numbs you down and you just stop being affected by things, or maybe it's me finally finding peace amidst the chaos.

Well, there is a thin line between peace and disassociation. I honestly can't tell you which side I am on. Things don't really freak me out anymore. The bigger the dreams, the scarier they can be. They are ready to crumble down anytime, but I know they all eventually will come true if I set my mind to it.

Bad things, they happen all the same. Panicking doesn't change a thing, so I let them fuck me up. However, they choose to be and I know that I will get over it. Just like I always do.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

858 ㅡ You like the sound of it, but it's not perfect.

There is an abundance of opportunities, but you can't see it because you are too busy looking for something that doesn't exist. There is an abundance of opportunities so many to choose from.

You ask yourself, "Which are the ones guaranteed to work out?"

"You are not looking for much," you say. "All you want is something that can make you rich, successful, doesn't take much, and guaranteed to work."

What will it be?

There is an idea. You like the sound of it, but it's not perfect. Not good enough, so you keep waiting for the next one to come along.

... and you keep waiting for the next one to come along.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

857 ㅡ You don't know them and they don't know you.

The validation you are looking for only exists within yourself, but you are searching for it from someone else. You don't know them and they don't know you. Why are you so concerned with what they think about you?

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

856 ㅡ You never know how far you can go.

You never know how far you can go until you give it a go.

People are not going to have the answers for you. No one knows yourself better than you do. You won't get it right on your first try, but it will get you there.

This is your shot in life.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

855 ㅡ If I don't attract, I don't want it.

I've spent a long time waiting for people. I won't do that anymore. I won't wait for anyone anymore.

I've stopped seeking. I've stopped craving. I've lost interest in being excited, only to end up being disappointed every time. I'm over it. If I don't attract, I don't want it.

I've filled up my life with enough things such as distractions and ambitions. I've learned how to do it all on my own, so I don't need you if I don't want to.

I've done my waiting. Now I'm ready to live. I've reshuffled my cards  and now I've got a good hand and that is good enough for me.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

854 ㅡ Life is a twisted contradiction.

You are here,

but you wish to be there.

Life is a twisted contradiction

of getting to where you want to be

and wishing that

you are somewhere else again.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

853 ㅡ You can't run away from yourself.

If you are fake, you will know.

If you pretend to be nice because you have secret intentions, you will know.

If you say things that are not true to inflate your impression, you will know.

If you are not who you say you are, you will know.

You can trick everyone in the world, but deep down, you will know that you are inauthentic. Your inauthenticity will eat at you. You will feel a need to watch your back over a problem that shouldn't even exist in the first place. Your inauthenticity will prevent you from making mistakes you need to make to learn from the process. You will never get to where you want to be because there is now a disconnection in your entire process.

Don't be fake. You can't run away from yourself.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

852 ㅡ I could just talk to a wall for the rest of eternity.

The more people I meet, the more lost I am.

I used to know what I want, but now I've exceeded my expectations. The goal post of what's enough seems to move further away. I'm still in my twenties, but I don't feel a day younger than thirty.

Most people my age don't have the responsibilities I do,

and at the same time I still feel more free than anyone I know.

The more power I have, the less I want it.

Love is still a foreign concept. A desirability I might never get. Life is still playing this joke of how the people you love never love you back the same. And I can keep on writing about what I believe in.

Well, I could just talk to a wall for the rest of eternity,

and maybe one day it will say something back to me.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

851 ㅡ If it's right, you will know.

If it's right, you will know. You will not question it all the time. If it's right, you will not be analyzing all the smallest details and overthinking on all the things you know don't matter. If it's right, you will not be looking for reasons trying to justify it. If it's right, you will be able to feel it. The thought of it should make your heart warm and not feed you anxiety. If it's right, you will not be staying up all night thinking about it. If it's right, you will not lose sleep over it.

If it's right, you will know. You will not be writing all these trying to make sense of it. 

If your overthinking has led you to this point, it probably isn't right.

and chances are ... you probably know that too.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

850 ㅡ Find people who make you feel alive.

Find people who make you feel alive. Find people who make you feel like there is more to life and dive with you to pursue it. Find people who make the mundane things seem less mundane. There can be joy in repetition because the people make it better. Find people who listen and answer with good intentions. Find people who would make the extra effort, and not just because it's in their best interest, but because they truly do give a shit. Find people who stay, and stay for them in return.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.