It's your duty to choose yourself.

I am a firm believer in choosing yourself when faced with any kind of rejection. I am a firm believer that some moments require you to walk away and choose yourself first or save your pride or put your foot down when someone is unfairly attacking you or mistreating you, but the truth is choosing yourself is not an easy task. It's not an easy job and it's not something you master overnight.

Choosing yourself requires discipline. You have to commit to your word, to your decision, to your choice even in your weakest moments. You can't call someone who hurt you even if you miss them. You can't ask someone who betrayed you for help. You can't work for someone who doesn't respect you. You can't befriend someone who thinks you're not good enough and the list goes on. The truth is choosing yourself is often a very dark and lonely road, and that's why not everyone takes that drive.

Because choosing yourself doesn't mean going to spas, traveling the world, and buying yourself fancy things. It doesn't mean working out and eating healthy and looking polished all the time, these are just the icing on top of the cake, but the real work is in the batter. It's in what it takes every day for you to become that person. It's resisting the temptations, the emotions, the loneliness and the urge to fall back and chase whatever you're supposed to stay away from. It's saying no when you want to say yes. It's letting go of things and people you truly need. It's seeing people you miss but not saying a word. It's staying in your lane when everyone else is making a U-turn.

When you meet someone else who appreciates you and chooses you the way you choose yourself, when you finally find the right job with a boss and colleagues who value you and your work, when you make new likeminded friends who don't belittle you or hold your weaknesses against you, and when you truly feel alive and content with who you are. When you look back and realize that the person you are now is worth all the things and relationships you sacrificed, and when you realize that all the boundaries you set protected you from ruining your own life.

Your time is precious, and it's your duty to make sure you don't waste it on the wrong people or the wrong places. It's your duty to choose yourself because if you wait for people to choose you, you will be waiting a very long time and you may never get chosen.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You just have to know that you deserve better.

You don't deserve to be with someone who has a lot more offer and a lot more to give but is choosing to hold back with you. You don't have to change anyone or convince anyone of your worth either, you just have to know that you deserve better. Throw in the towel and leave with your head held high.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You don't deserve someone who makes you feel unloved.

Too many good hearts fall for that kind of people. Too many strong ones end up with people who use them. Too many loyal people get taken advantage of by someone who's unsure or still paying the field, but just because so many people are okay with it doesn't mean you have to accept it. You don't deserve to be someone's rebound. You shouldn't stay with someone knowing that they're thinking about someone else, and you definitely shouldn't stay hoping that you can make them forget. It's not your job, it never was and it never will be.

If this is what it comes down to, being with someone who treats you like a backup plan or being alone. Be alone. Be alone because the pain of being alone is a lot easier to handle than the pain of being with someone who doesn't see you, who neglects you, who doesn't care about you, who doesn't pay attention to your wants or needs and who doesn't understand when you're hurting or when you're upset. You don't deserve someone who makes you feel unloved. You don't deserve someone who is sometimes consistent, sometimes sweet, sometimes attentive, and the other times absent.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You don't deserve to be someone's backup plan.

You didn't grow up watching all those romantic movies, living all those childhood fantasies, and writing all those songs and poems for your imaginary lover only to end up being someone's backup plan or second choice. You didn't get your heart broken way too many times only to end up being an option. You didn't move on from your past lovers and lost all these tears or fought your innermost desires and temptations only to end up with someone who doesn't make you feel loved or wanted. You didn't spend all these years learning to love yourself and make it on your own so you can end up with someone who doesn't choose you or make you a priority.

You don't deserve to be someone's backup plan no matter how much you love them or how much they mean to you. You don't deserve to be loved occasionally or be with someone who's only available when they want to be. It doesn't matter how much work you still need to do to become a better person, it doesn't matter how bad your previous experiences were, and it doesn't matter how great you think this person is, you don't deserve to be with someone who neglects you and convinces you that it's normal.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You have to be the bigger person.

You have to be the bigger person.

Learning how to be the bigger person was the way most of us were raised, but truthfully, it can be extremely toxic in some situations and with some people who cross the line and poison our lives. Being the bigger person doesn't work with everyone because we are better off without some people in our lives. Cutting ties with friends or partners who constantly disrespect you or bring constant drama and problems into your life is the only healthy thing to do, and being the bigger person in these situations will only draw in more toxicity and more unfavorable circumstances. It's important to be empathetic, kind, and forgiving in some cases, but you have to draw the line and set boundaries with people who don't have any or people who only make your life more difficult.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You can't quit.

You can't quit.

We live in a society that judges quitters negatively. We're always bombarded with motivational messages like "don't quit now, don't be a quitter, quitting is for losers ... etc." But sometimes quitting is the best and only option for you. I'm not saying don't fight hard for what you want and what you love, but when you no longer have the energy or the motivation or the desire to keep going, when whatever it is you're committed to is making it hard to wake up every morning and feel good about your life or yourself, it's okay to quit. It's okay to quit the job that makes you miserable. It's okay to quit that relationship that's been hurting you. It's okay to quit living in a city that sucks the life out of you. Depending on your situation, sometimes staying is more toxic than quitting.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You have to struggle to get what you want.

You have to struggle to get what you want.

This is something we were all programmed to believe, statements like "no pain, no gain" or "life is unfair" keep us stuck in struggle mode. This belief may sound good at first but the reality of it is toxic, because anything that comes easy to us makes us feel like we don't deserve it because we didn't work hard for it. This mentality stops us from dreaming big or following our hearts or our passion because we are conditioned to believe that we have to work hard and struggle to earn the life we want, and we often feel guilty if we are living a less busy or stressful life than our peers, so we try to fill our time with things that don't excite us just so we can go back home at the end of the day and feel productive. It's not a one size fits all for everyone, and if you are happy with the way your life is, even if you don't work too hard or you're not always swamped with things to do, then that's all that matters. How others view your life is not your problem. We need to start believing that good things can be easy and struggle free, and our dreams can be achieved without pain or struggle.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

Everyone leaves me.

Everyone leaves me.

Another common toxic mindset is the belief that everyone will eventually leave you, and that develops from childhood abandonment issues or losing someone dear to you at a very young age. You start building walls to protect your heart and eventually reenact the scenario that the people you love will leave you and you'll end up alone, so you sometimes sabotage your own relationships. This is more evident in romantic relationships where one partner is always in a defensive mindset operating from a lack of trust and always feeling neglected and abandoned by their partner. To heal your abandonment issues, you must first get to the root of how it all started and which parts of it are you carrying into your relationships. Are you triggered because your partner did something offensive or are you triggered because this behavior reminds you of an old wound that you still need to tend to? Self-awareness and introspection in your own relationships are crucial to start healing your abandonment issues and getting rid of the beliefs that everyone will eventually leave you or things will always end badly. Your relationships can end for many reasons, but it makes all the difference when you look back and know that you gave it your all and you didn't let your own limiting beliefs or insecurities define that relationship or determine where it goes.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You are not good enough.

You are not good enough.

One of the most common toxic mindsets is the belief that we are not good enough for something, whether it's a certain university or a job or a relationship, because at some point in our lives we wanted something so badly and we didn't get it or it went to someone else, thus it became second nature to fear not getting something we want because we don't want to feel that kind of pain again, so we don't even try. The truth is, we may not be qualified enough for a job we want and we may not be the right person for someone we want, but that doesn't mean we are not good enough. It just means that some things are meant to be ours or for us, and it also means that we still have some work to do on our own before we can truly be ready for some experiences. The key here is not to let that mindset paralyze you from trying, and you have to feel worthy and deserving of whatever you want, even if you don't get it. In order to change the pattern, you have to change your mindset, even if the outcome is not the one you want. It's all about what's happening on the inside, not what's happening on the outside.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

Toxic mindsets.

Toxic mindsets are beliefs about our lives or ourselves that we develop from unfavorable circumstances, traumas, unresolved childhood issues, and failure. We start developing these mindsets and they grow with us if we don't treat them right away. They have the power to ruin our lives or hold us back from living the life we want or achieving our goals.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You learn how to be a good mother.

You learn how to be a good mother. You've been raised by a mother who showed you how to truly take care of a family, who showed you that hard work pays off, who showed you that you can love someone unconditionally. She showed you how to be protective, loving, kind, compassionate, strong, and resilient. She was leading by example, and whether you know it or not, you are following in her footsteps one step at a time.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You learn that she still knows more about love than you do.

You learn that she still knows more about love than you do. Even when you are generations apart, even if you are not fond of her love choices, if she doesn't approve of someone, you better listen to her. She knows what she is saying. Moreover, she doesn't want to see you get heartbroken. As much as I hate to admit it, she got it right every time.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You learn how to create your own happiness.

You learn how to create your own happiness. You can find happiness in a difficult life. You can still be happy even if you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. My mother taught me that I can always find something to smile about. All I have to do is look closer.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You learn the importance of patience and faith.

You learn the importance of patience and faith. You learn that God is looking out for you and your struggles, that everything will be okay in the end. Storms will pass and tomorrow is a new day. You learn to be patient with life; patient with timing, patient with success, and patient with problems. You learn that patience is strength.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You learn never to look back.

You learn never to look back. You learn to let all the what ifs and could have beens go. You learn not to look back and wonder why life turned upside down. You just keep looking forward and let the past redeem itself. You learn that everything that happened got you to where you belong even if it is nothing you ever wished for.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You learn that it's not easy being a woman.

You learn that it's not easy being a woman. You learn that your opinion will be discounted, that you will be taken lightly when you're being serious, but you will also learn that you can stand out in a crowd and force everyone to listen to your voice and accept your ideas. You learn that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You learn that you can be both strong and soft.

You learn that you can be both strong and soft. Strong mothers are usually very sensitive; they just hide it better, but you saw your mother silently cry over your pain, or stay up all night taking care of you when you were sick, or the nights she couldn't sleep because something was troubling you. The way she hugs you when you are down shows unmatched compassion and tenderness, and sometimes in a quiet corner you saw her shed a few tears.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You learn how to love yourself.

You learn how to love yourself. You learn how to walk away from the things that are not meant for you. You learn how to keep going even when the whole world is against you, and you learn how to believe in yourself when everyone is doubting you. You learn that bad grades, heart breaks, and failures don't define you because what defines you is how you bounce back from all the setbacks and how hard you fight for the life you want.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You learn the meaning of unconditional love.

You learn the meaning of unconditional love. You saw your mother sacrifice her time, health and youth for you and your siblings, yet she never complained or gloated about how much she is suffering or how much she is doing. She always had a smile on her face and was happily giving more and more of herself. She taught you what selfless and unconditional love looks like, and you know you won't be able to find that love anywhere else.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You pretty much learn how to be super woman.

You learn the value of independence. You don't need a man to save you or anyone to take care of you. You learn by example that you are capable of living a full and happy life without having to share it with someone else. You learn that you can build a home, raise kids, cook, and do the dishes all while having a thriving career. You pretty much learn how to be super woman.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You deserve to find someone who never gets enough of you.

You deserve to find someone who never gets enough of you; and reminds you that there is no such thing as loving too much because they're willing to love you just as much, and maybe more.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You deserve to remember everything you knew about love.

You deserve to remember everything you knew about love; before you fell in love with those who made you forget. You deserve to remember that you were never the problem, that you've always been too much for the wrong ones.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You deserve someone who's afraid of losing you.

You deserve to remember what it feels like to be with someone who's afraid of losing you. Someone who does their best to make sure that you'll always remain in their life because it would be incomplete without you.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You deserve someone who's terrified of losing you.

You deserve to fall in love with someone who doesn't want to break your heart or play with it. You deserve someone who can remind you that love is not a game, that everyone who ever played you was the real loser. You deserve someone who's terrified of losing you.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You deserve to remember how special you really are.

You deserve to remember how special you really are; and always have been before you loved people who made you feel like you're ordinary. 

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You deserve to have the love you always dreamed of.

You deserve to have the love you always dreamed of. The kind of love that makes you want to be a better person. The kind of love that makes you happy and the kind of love that makes you feel safe because you got used to loving the ones who only introduced you to danger and heartbreak.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You deserve to remember everything you forgot about love.

You deserve to remember everything you forgot about love. You deserve someone who doesn't get tired of reminding you what you mean to them and what they'd do for you.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You deserve to remember how it feels to be loved.

You deserve to remember how it feels to be loved and be truly cared for. You deserve to be with someone who makes you forget about every ignored message, every unanswered call, and every person who couldn't love you.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You deserve to be loved for who you are.

You deserve to be loved for who you are. With your flaws, with your quirks, with your imperfections. You deserve to be with someone who doesn't make you afraid of being yourself. You deserve to be with someone who sees all the parts of you and chooses to love them and chooses to stay.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

You deserve to wake up to beautiful messages every morning.

You deserve to wake up to beautiful messages every morning. Messages that are heartfelt and genuine. Messages that only someone who truly knows you can send and messages that let you know that you're the first person on someone's mind each and every day.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

I always see my life as a big puzzle that I am trying to piece together.

I always see my life as a big puzzle that I am trying to piece together. Except that the puzzle picture expands as I am putting it together because I am also growing so much at the same time. And I find myself having more and more pieces that I gotta put together. And sometimes the pieces stop fitting because I've outgrown them so I need to eliminate pieces that no longer fit. And that whole routine of putting pieces together and eliminating pieces at the same time in an ever-growing puzzle is my life.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.