Willing to break does not mean you can wreck me all you want.

I am willing to break just to make it right. However, you do not seem to have the willingness to stand by my side and hold my hand to say that everything is going to be all right.

Well, willing to break does not mean you can wreck me all you want. Hey, it is enough.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

Your hands do not seem to be the right size to fit mine.

I am willing to touch and be touched by only you. My heart is ready to be yours. However, your hands do not seem to be the right size to fit mine. We keep on throwing stone, instead of gold. We keep on lifting our hands just to cut off the ties. We forget words exist.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

I wonder what if we could just run away from life.

I wonder what will happen if we live in another universe where all we care about is just how to fulfill each other's heart until it explodes, so that we can be born again with the same amount of love from the start. I wonder what if we could just run away from life. 

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

To you, I am willing to love.

To you, I am willing to touch.

To you, I am willing to break.

To you, I am willing to forget.

To you, I am willing to love.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

They wreck my plans, bend my bones, and water my flames.

Nothingness could mean so much. It has its own story. The hole inside my chest keeps on getting bigger as I consume all the expectations they want me to swallow. I am hopelessly alive with no intention to breathe. They wreck my plans, bend my bones, and water my flames.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

Little did they know I am nothing.

Little did they know that I am unwanted. Little did they know that I am just a lost star wishing to be found. Little did they know that I can never be the first option. Little did they know that people keep on stabbing me until I bleed.

Little did they know I am nothing.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

They think I own the world.

They think I am untouchable, unbreakable, unbeatable, and unforgettable. They think I live in a castle full of people who are fond of me. They think I always have at least someone who would be there for me. They think I have everything. They think I own the world.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia.

What did they see in me until they could say out loud that I am unforgettable?

He said, "I wish that I could wake up with amnesia," and the foolish me thought that means I have a special place in his heart. It turns out the nightmares are preparing to hunt me down.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

I lose, I am lost.

What did they see in me until they could say out loud that I am unbeatable?

I have been running in heels all my life. From what they call family, friends, love, and yet I keep on stumbling. I bleed bad blood. I lose, I am lost. Please, do not fight me.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

No apologize, means no forgiveness needed.

What did they see in me until they could say out loud that I am unbreakable?

He broke me, scattering me into a thousand tiny pieces. No apologize, means no forgiveness needed. I am no longer whole since he put me as a second option and shattered my soul without a doubt.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

I created an illusion just to love him.

What did they see in me until they could say out loud that I am untouchable?

All my heart, body, and soul are all touched by the love I thought was real. Although now I realize that everything is just my imagination from the start. I created an illusion just to love him.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

To some, I might be untouchable.

To some, I might be untouchable.

To some, I might be unbreakable.

To some, I might be unbeatable.

To some, I might be unforgettable.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

In the hands that will never ever fit in mine.

If it hurts you so bad, that means we are no longer need to be beside each other. Remember, you need to stay away from me. From us, which is never gonna happen, now or in the future. Because I am gonna say it for the first and the last time, "Let's break up."

All we do is keep hurting each other. Blue bruises, painful memories, vain dreams, millions of promises between us. Let's just forget about those things and live our lives separate ways. I am no longer the woman you used to know. Well, I have never shown you my very own true side.

I believe this is the best for us. I have said everything that needed to be said about my feelings. This might have sounded weird and my sentences maybe got jumbled, but please know that I leave the full stop in your hands. In the hands that will never ever fit in mine.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

We are just friends, but can we break up?

We are just friends, but can we break up?

I mean, we can just consider ourselves never met in the first place, never share any story to each other, never stay up late just to listen to each other's worries. And, let's forget about all the good morning and good night.

I will not be dreaming of lying in your arms anymore. I will not be thinking of how we are gonna spend our date eating my favorite food and watching my favorite movie. I will not be loving the idea of getting to know more about you. I will not do any of these anymore.

I do not want to give my heart away just like that to a stranger who's only willing to be my friend, and in the end we are just strangers to each other. Why do I keep feeling like all these words are going to hurt you? This is hurting me, and so it is for you.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

I realize that it is very hard for me to choose you.

I guess a week has passed already since the last time I replied to your messages. It is true that I need some time to contemplate about lots of things. It is true that I need some air to breathe since I have been struggling with myself even before you came into my miserable life.

I think this is just how I become selfish. I keep on consuming your love without even thinking to give back to you. First of all, I do like you. I remember how fascinating how we first met back then. Scary, yet still fascinating. So, I can say that I like you.

Through all the time that we have spent together, you give me so much comfort. But, I realize that it is very hard for me to choose you. Although I do like you, I keep chasing over something I cannot touch, which is something called love.

I swear, this is truly who I am. This is truly how I handle things. I always run when things get complicated, and now I run for my life from the you that keeps caring, even though I build my solid walls stronger and stronger every day. Do you not know how to give up?

I want love. I really do. I really want to be loved. But, I do not want to be so selfish by keeping you inside my embrace when we are just friends to each other. I do not want to cry over something stupid, like hoping that someday we might really end up together. 

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

Do not love me.

All I can do is just replying to your messages, yet you developed feelings already.

Ah, is this question for me, or for you?

Well, I do not understand either. But, do not love me. Do not care about me. Do not involve yourself in my life. We are just friends.

I have decided that we cannot be together, although I truly want a happily ever after ending, which is somehow I can imagine it happens with you inside. But, it is just a dream. I do not dare myself to face the truth. I cannot face the life when you are around anymore.

I am scared that I cannot commit to you when I need to. I know how comfortable it is when we are together. I know how caring you are even when I am not there by your side. But, that is it. We do not deserve each other. I cannot be with you.

I do not deserve such pure love from you. I do not deserve to meet someone caring like you. I do not deserve to be loved by you. I deserve to be left all alone, again and again, because that is who I am, that is how I used to live my life, that is how I break into pieces.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

I break myself, just so I can stop walking towards you.

I do not know whether or not this is the best for us, but I need some time to think and analyze.

You might have realized already, I would stay away from you, like precisely once every month. I would take some time to enjoy my time; not replying to any of your messages.

You did not break any piece of me. I break myself, just so I can stop walking towards you. I do not want to blindfoldedly hoping to be by your side every time I am feeling blue. I do not want to feel any pain caused by my very own recklessness. I am selfish. Very selfish.

I do not understand my own feeling.

How am I supposed to face you?

I get it that we are just friends.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

I hope it ends soon.

I have been avoiding you these past few days. I have to admit, I have been feeling down for no reason. Out of the blue, I suddenly started feeling blue, to the point that I do not know how to handle it. I thought, I could commit to something serious with you. But, I cannot.

No, you are never mine to begin with. Yes, you are always that one call away. We are just connected by words and maybe hearts. How do you think I could fall for you? No, it cannot be. Yes, but I do feel like you are a great friend. Or something more than that.

I have been there. I have been there; dreaming of a healthy relationship where all I do is just caring and loving all day. I have been there; thinking that I might never love again, because my heart has been broken quite a lot. I have been there; assuming maybe we could end up together.

Well, we are never ever meant to be together. Do you not realize that we are always so far away from each other? We keep on walking through this endless road, which I cannot predict when it is gonna end.

Will it really end?

It will end, right?

I hope it ends soon.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

It just teaches us how to live with the pain.

But I know, time does not heal anything, it just teaches us how to live with the pain. The scar will stay still, visible to the naked eye. The wound will last forever, and I do not think that I could fall for somebody new, again, just to feel another heartbreak in the end.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

I am that LOSER=LOVER.

If people be like saying the L word as in LOSER, the L word in my dictionary would always be about LOVE. Well, both are about me, though. I am that LOSER=LOVER who is lost in the midst of finding hope, but is not waiting to be rescued, for God's sake.

I am okay. Really.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

What if I never love again?

I would gladly claim I CARE ABOUT YOU as the new I REALLY LOVE YOU.

Because until now, I still ask myself the same question.

"What if I never love again?"

Do you know that silence is also an answer?

Yes, I got that. I got that long freaking silence.

I am fine. Partly.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

I care about you as much as I care about myself.

We do not love as fast as turning palms, and we do not forget as often as we breathe, but we can actually care about people as much as we care about ourselves. So, instead of singing all the love songs, just say proudly that I CARE ABOUT YOU AS MUCH AS I CARE ABOUT MYSELF.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

I am me, you are you, and love between us.

Be careful with your steps. The ice might break, but drowning is not bad either. Think before speak, see before fall. Feel your own heartbeat, but use your brain to analyze. Love is not always about I LOVE YOU. It can be about I AM ME, YOU ARE YOU, AND LOVE BETWEEN US.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

That one person who knows your heart, is YOU.

If you are not ready to give your heart to someone else, then do not. If you are not ready yet to open up a new chapter with your lover, then do not. If you are not ready to feel another heartbreak, then do not start anything. That one person who knows your heart, is YOU.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

Love is not always about falling.

Build up your solid walls. Take some time only for yourself.

Settle down the storms inside your mind. Take care of your wretched heart.

Life is not always about running. Life is always about process.

Love is not always about falling. Love is always about sincerity. 

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

Love yourself as much as you want others to love you.

"Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you," and I truly believe in this phrase. So, it can go with, "Love yourself as much as you want others to love you." It is not selfish to love yourself deeply. It is not a crime to be wanting to get the love you deserve. 

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

I will save my own ass.

I have been imagining lots of fairy tales where I am the main character of each story, of course, and I do not need anyone to tell me that every love story ends with a kiss or how the prince saves the princess. Well, mine will be different. I WILL SAVE MY OWN ASS. I must.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

Care, love, gratitude, and everything comes together.

This is the beginning of a healthy romantic relationship that I always dream of. The relationship based on equality and respect, not power and control. Treating my partner the exact same way as how I want to be treated. Care, love, gratitude, and everything comes together.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

This is not the end of any dramatic love story.

Sure, I know, I probably will never love again since I love myself more than anyone in this world. My self-love hits 500% already, and I know I can still live with no one standing by my side. This is not the end of any dramatic love story. I am sure, this never an end.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

As much as this big enough heart able to take all the pain.

As much as this big enough heart able to take all the pain, I believe, it also deserves to be happy, too. I remember telling myself to never stop loving, even though life has been throwing no other than rocks and lemons every single day. But, here I am, still standing up.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

I am more than enough to keep walking on this journey with a proud heart.

There was time when I felt like I could not make it. I could not be the one people look for, the one my parents love, and the one my friends remember, but I always know, deep inside my heart, I am more than enough to keep walking on this journey with a proud heart.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.