I remember being hurt for a long time.

I remember being hurt for a long time. Hoping for love to fill up those gaps until I realized that the people you love never love you back, and the ones that love you aren't really quite the same. I think I've given love enough tries to now know that I want it, but I don't need it. I used to hope for it even when I'm not seeking it. But nowadays, I think I've completely abolished it.

I remember all the times I've looked at someone and know that they love me, but deep down I feel nothing. I still don't know what it means.

I've filled up my lack of love with ambition and power. I know that one day I will have everything, except my deepest desires, and I don't know how to feel about that.

I used to be afraid of being alone, but now it doesn't bother me. I used to question everything, but now I know too much. You know you've seen enough when the hurt from different people starts to feel relatively the same.

I spent my whole life being disappointed by everyone around me, but mostly myself. I used to believe that I was sad and I think I really did grew up being sad. But sadness is subjective, it's mostly just peace to me now.

I think I finally figured out how to breathe within it.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.