856 ㅡ You never know how far you can go.

You never know how far you can go until you give it a go.

People are not going to have the answers for you. No one knows yourself better than you do. You won't get it right on your first try, but it will get you there.

This is your shot in life.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

855 ㅡ If I don't attract, I don't want it.

I've spent a long time waiting for people. I won't do that anymore. I won't wait for anyone anymore.

I've stopped seeking. I've stopped craving. I've lost interest in being excited, only to end up being disappointed every time. I'm over it. If I don't attract, I don't want it.

I've filled up my life with enough things such as distractions and ambitions. I've learned how to do it all on my own, so I don't need you if I don't want to.

I've done my waiting. Now I'm ready to live. I've reshuffled my cards  and now I've got a good hand and that is good enough for me.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

854 ㅡ Life is a twisted contradiction.

You are here,

but you wish to be there.

Life is a twisted contradiction

of getting to where you want to be

and wishing that

you are somewhere else again.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

853 ㅡ You can't run away from yourself.

If you are fake, you will know.

If you pretend to be nice because you have secret intentions, you will know.

If you say things that are not true to inflate your impression, you will know.

If you are not who you say you are, you will know.

You can trick everyone in the world, but deep down, you will know that you are inauthentic. Your inauthenticity will eat at you. You will feel a need to watch your back over a problem that shouldn't even exist in the first place. Your inauthenticity will prevent you from making mistakes you need to make to learn from the process. You will never get to where you want to be because there is now a disconnection in your entire process.

Don't be fake. You can't run away from yourself.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

852 ㅡ I could just talk to a wall for the rest of eternity.

The more people I meet, the more lost I am.

I used to know what I want, but now I've exceeded my expectations. The goal post of what's enough seems to move further away. I'm still in my twenties, but I don't feel a day younger than thirty.

Most people my age don't have the responsibilities I do,

and at the same time I still feel more free than anyone I know.

The more power I have, the less I want it.

Love is still a foreign concept. A desirability I might never get. Life is still playing this joke of how the people you love never love you back the same. And I can keep on writing about what I believe in.

Well, I could just talk to a wall for the rest of eternity,

and maybe one day it will say something back to me.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

851 ㅡ If it's right, you will know.

If it's right, you will know. You will not question it all the time. If it's right, you will not be analyzing all the smallest details and overthinking on all the things you know don't matter. If it's right, you will not be looking for reasons trying to justify it. If it's right, you will be able to feel it. The thought of it should make your heart warm and not feed you anxiety. If it's right, you will not be staying up all night thinking about it. If it's right, you will not lose sleep over it.

If it's right, you will know. You will not be writing all these trying to make sense of it. 

If your overthinking has led you to this point, it probably isn't right.

and chances are ... you probably know that too.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

850 ㅡ Find people who make you feel alive.

Find people who make you feel alive. Find people who make you feel like there is more to life and dive with you to pursue it. Find people who make the mundane things seem less mundane. There can be joy in repetition because the people make it better. Find people who listen and answer with good intentions. Find people who would make the extra effort, and not just because it's in their best interest, but because they truly do give a shit. Find people who stay, and stay for them in return.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

There is no reason to believe that love cannot find you.

Don't worry so much about love.

Don't worry so much about who's going to love you, or how they're going to love you, or when you're going to find love.

Love is the most infinite and effortless presence in this world. It's found in the tiny crevices of human nature; in the way flowers bloom and in the way birds always have enough food to eat. It's found in hospital rooms, and grocery stores, in home cooked meals, and in the smiles of passing stangers. Love is the music you listen to, and in the jokes you make, and it's in the way you always return home for the holidays. Love is "are you okay?" and "did you get enough sleep?" and "I am proud of you" and "I hope you sleep well tonight."

Love is the way your heart beats every day, and how your body wakes up every morning, and how your soul continues to exist so freely

You don't need to worry about love. It is all around you, every day, in every moment. It can reach you at your best and it will meet you at your worst. There is no force in this world stronger than love.

There is no reason to believe that love cannot find you.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

849 ㅡ She is longing for a pure love.

I just had a good conversation with my mama for like thirty minutes. We talked about our assumptions about whether or not Gijeong ends up with Taehoon in the last two episodes of My Liberation Notes drama. I told her that I can feel Gijeong's pain as I can very much relate to her situations.

We can't compare their personal struggles, but I must say that I don't think I'm okay if Gijeong's ending isn't full of love. Gijeong deserves a happy ending. Well, every character in the drama deserves a well-written happy ending, I believe so.

However this time I'm gonna talk about Gijeong. I always believe Gijeong deserves a better life. It's not just Mijeong who needs a life partner. They both deserve great life partners as I know they're strong women. Strong enough to get up again after embracing all the pain.

Changhee's life as the only son in the family also tough, but I believe he shall adapt and become a leader soon since if he's gonna marry someone, he should be able to lead the family towards a greater life which awaits them in the future. Changhee will work things out.

It's kinda different story for Gijeong and Mijeong. The only thing Gijeong wants is to feel loved, to be in love, and to start a family. But it's hard. As we all might have known, being in love goes both ways. To be fully committed to something and someone also needs courage.

We can't just simply love somebody and expect them to love us in return. They probably shower us with so much love. However, will they be able to commit? What if we asked them to marry us? We never know the answer because everything needs to start with a good connection at first.

I always scared of imagining things and putting my hopes too high. That's why it breaks my heart whenever Gijeong cries in the drama. Mijeong's pain is more like inner struggle as she still doesn't get it why she can't feel happy. She feels like there's a big hole in her chest.

Meanwhile, Gijeong understands her heart, her pain, and her situations. She knows that she can't be happy just by having money and a great reputation. She needs a life partner. She wants someone to stay beside her, walking side by side with her. She is longing for a pure love.

She can't achieve it only by herself. She wants to be free but she can't, because this struggle needs someone else to help her achieving the goals. She has to meet someone who understands and loves her just the way she is. It's hard, isn't it? Yes, that's why she struggles a lot.

Moreover, she's almost forty. At first, I thought Gijeong is still immature despite her age, but it turns out she's ready to love, ready to be in love, and even ready to start a family. Her cranky behavior is just how she tries to cope with the feelings she's holding inside her chest.

As I've stated in the beginning, I can very much relate to her. I mean, who doesn't want to be in love and of course to be loved in return. I want it all. I want to be in love. Nonetheless, I can't just simply love somebody and expect them to give me the same amount of love.

We all might have gone through the same phase like Gijeong in this lifetime, at least once. Even so, just remember you deserve to be loved the right way and for all of the right reasons. You deserve to be treated right without having to ask for it. You deserve to be truly happy.

As for me, the kind of love I have to give out and the level of commitment I possess is the reason why I'm not settling. I want to just give and give for all my life. No lies, no deceit, no delays, no games. I just want to feel the love I deserve because I'm a good ass person.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

How to know someone is here to stay.

How to know someone is here to stay:

You don't. There is no test, there is no gauge, and there is no formula that can predict whether someone stays in your life forever. You can look and see if your zodiac signs are compatible, you can compare love languages, you can sign marriage licenses and say your vows in front of a hundred people. You can get matching tattoos, you can cross pinkies, you can make pact after pact after pact, but none of this can truly guarantee that a relationship will last.

But you can hope it does. You can hope they stay. You can hope you want to stick around, too. Because if you really think about it, love is simply a commitment to continue hoping. To continue doing your best. To continue forgiving. To continue laughing. To continue staying. So yes, nothing is certain, and sometimes this fact aches. But forever shouldn't be the goal in loving anyway. It should just be to love. And to hope.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.