870 ㅡ To have the love you always dreamed of.

You deserve to have the love you always dreamed of. The kind of love that makes you want to be a better person. The kind of love that makes you happy and the kind of love that makes you feel safe because you got used to loving the ones who only introduced you to danger and heartbreak.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

869 ㅡ To remember everything you forgot about love.

You deserve to remember everything you forgot about love. You deserve someone who doesn't get tired of reminding you what you mean to them and what they'd do for you.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

868 ㅡ To remember how it feels to be loved.

You deserve to remember how it feels to be loved and be truly cared for. You deserve to be with someone who makes you forget about every ignored message, every unanswered call, and every person who couldn't love you.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

867 ㅡ You deserve to be loved for who you are.

You deserve to be loved for who you are. With your flaws, with your quirks, with your imperfections. You deserve to be with someone who doesn't make you afraid of being yourself. You deserve to be with someone who sees all the parts of you and chooses to love them and chooses to stay.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

866 ㅡ Messages that are heartfelt and genuine.

You deserve to wake up to beautiful messages every morning. Messages that are heartfelt and genuine. Messages that only someone who truly knows you can send and messages that let you know that you're the first person on someone's mind each and every day.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

865 ㅡ I always see my life as a big puzzle.

I always see my life as a big puzzle that I am trying to piece together. Except that the puzzle picture expands as I am putting it together because I am also growing so much at the same time. And I find myself having more and more pieces that I gotta put together. And sometimes the pieces stop fitting because I've outgrown them so I need to eliminate pieces that no longer fit. And that whole routine of putting pieces together and eliminating pieces at the same time in an ever-growing puzzle is my life.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

864 ㅡ There is always hope.

There is always hope. 

You just gotta find an opening 

that lets in enough light to see it.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

863 ㅡ Between being loved and being broken.

You gotta be able to let yourself go.

People used to tell me that, and I think about it over the years that I have let it all go. I didn't get what I thought would come, but I did learn about all the parts and all the pieces. Now I tear myself down for fun so I could put it back together, and I'm not afraid of being broken anymore.

I'm sitting in this odd in between of being loved and being broken. If you sit in it long enough, you start to notice that there is a strange silence. I think what it means is peace; a nonchalant melancholic peace.

I don't want what I used to want anymore. I used to hold myself back; because I was afraid of growing too much, because outgrowing the people I love would mean that our path would stop aligning and in return I would love them less.

... but I've come to learn that the people you love never love you back and the ones that love you aren't really quite the same.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

862 ㅡ I remember being hurt for a long time.

I remember being hurt for a long time. Hoping for love to fill up those gaps until I realized that the people you love never love you back, and the ones that love you aren't really quite the same. I think I've given love enough tries to now know that I want it, but I don't need it. I used to hope for it even when I'm not seeking it. But nowadays, I think I've completely abolished it.

I remember all the times I've looked at someone and know that they love me, but deep down I feel nothing. I still don't know what it means.

I've filled up my lack of love with ambition and power. I know that one day I will have everything, except my deepest desires, and I don't know how to feel about that.

I used to be afraid of being alone, but now it doesn't bother me. I used to question everything, but now I know too much. You know you've seen enough when the hurt from different people starts to feel relatively the same.

I spent my whole life being disappointed by everyone around me, but mostly myself. I used to believe that I was sad and I think I really did grew up being sad. But sadness is subjective, it's mostly just peace to me now.

I think I finally figured out how to breathe within it.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.

861 ㅡ See, life has become too easy.

Life has become too easy and I am overwhelmed by the sheer possibilities of it. Things used to take me a year to complete. Nowadays I just need 2 weeks with sufficient motivation and the right amount of angst, I could get anything I want done.

I spend more time disassociated than I do trying to exist. Survival isn't really an issue anymore. When I have a problem, I just look at it and somehow that makes it smaller.

I try to wake up early and I do things that are good for me. I hope one day some of these things can make me happy. My highlight reels consist only of the little things. The best things don't mean anything, but they mean everything.

I am astonished at how most of my problems disappeared when I lost interest in it. Frankly speaking, I don't think there are many things nowadays I am interested in. I have never been more stimulated and I have never been more bored. I wonder what it says about your life. All you do is go from one distraction to another.

Never fulfilling.

Always moving.

I was lost before and I still am, except nowadays I don't really care about being found anymore.

Cheap rolling paper and permanent marker, I write messages to myself before I burn it to a crisp. Most days my mind is where I live in. The only color I think about is orange.

See, life has become too easy. I'm not supposed to have lived this much in my twenties. You could tell me to take things slower, but I never cared much for advices other than myself's.

Someday this will be a full circle moment, but for now this game is still addictive to me.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.