Thinking I have changed for the better, but it was only to get more pain in the end.

I thought I could bear the pain. I thought I have forgotten. I thought I could change for the better. But, it was not it. It was never it since I tried to change for other people. Not for me, but for them. I kept on longing for everyone's attention just to validate myself.

Those days were tough. I kept on playing pretend to be someone I was not. I kept on chasing other people's dreams while neglecting mine. I kept on singing the song everybody loves to hear. I kept on smiling just to make them feel delighted while I feel so freaking dumb inside.

It hurts. The second I realized that it was not worth any pain I have endured all this time, I cried litre of tears inside my bathtub for twelve hours straight. That shows how heartbroken I was. Thinking I have changed for the better, but it was only to get more pain in the end.

Sincerely yours,

Senjakala.